


Sinful Bliss

by RiceDumpling



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Badass Reader, Black and White Memories, Cute Eren Yeager, Dirty Talk, Dominant Reader, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Female Reader, Kenny's Bad Parenting, Lapdance, Loss of Viginity, M/M, Memories of the Past, Nerdy Eren Yeager, Out of Character Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Riding, Roleplay, Sexual Abuse, Slightly Slow Build, Switching P.O.V., Virgin Eren Yeager, dirty fantasies, wet dreams
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-30
Updated: 2016-07-13
Packaged: 2018-07-19 04:37:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7345198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RiceDumpling/pseuds/RiceDumpling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren Jaeger is a typical nerdy high schooler or that's what everyone thinks. He has recently been plagued with nightmares that seem so really. His dad's work makes them travel very often and Eren has to suffer going to a new school as a 10th grader.<br/>Insert (y/n), the beautiful, popular, badass fighter in the 12th grade. To Eren, she seems so familiar, but different.<br/>Is she his mysterious lover in his dreams? Or is she just another similar face with a horrid past? Only time will tell.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Bliss of First Meetings

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, guys! This is my first fan fiction and I decided to make a reader/Eren fan fiction where the reader is superior. Let's face it, the reader is always the damsel in distress. Anyway, I don't know if I should continue this, I'm leaving it up to you. Leave your suggestions in comment section. Maybe I'll see you in the next chapter.

~~~~Chapter 1

Eren's P.O.V.

_I stare at the mangled body in my arms. I was in a forest, surrounded by dead bodies. The metallic smell of blood was strong in the air. I felt awfully weak and terribly exposed, but I didn't care. All I cared about was the body in my arms. Their face was covered in so much blood that I couldn't decipher if it was a man or a woman. Judging by the petite, but lithe form, I assumed it was a woman._

  _"E-eren?" A weak, but female voice came out of the pale lips of the body._

_"Yes?" I answered._

_"Why are you here? The flare for retreat must have been fired by now."_

_"Yeah, but my gear is busted and my horse ran away. Plus the wound in my stomach isn't really helping."_

_"Oh. I wish I could help, but in the state I'm in, I wouldn't be much help." I looked down and saw that one of her legs were missing and a giant cut was making blood pour out of her stomach._

_"Eren?" Her voice is growing weaker by the second._

_"Yeah?"_

_"I can't see your face. M-my vision is getting blurry."_

_I take one of her small hands and put it on my face._

_"Hey, don't cry," Her thumb brushed under my eye. I feel more tears fall down my face and on to her's, but I managed a small smile._

_"You will continue to fight right?" She gave me one of her small, rare smiles._

_"If I make it out of this forest alive, I promise I will," I reached up a clutched the hand that was still on my face, leaning into it._

_"Good." (e/c) started to close._

_"Come on. Don't close your eyes." I whispered._

_"But I'm so tired," She says with weak whine._

_I chuckled. I let go of the hand on my face and gently placed it on her chest. I then backed up to reach in a bag that was near us. I pull out a flare gun and fire a green flare. Putting the gun away, I turn my attention back to the girl. She reached over and gently caressed my hand. Her lips open and-._

   "EREN! Get your ass out of bed!" I groan and role around. I manage to role off the bed and land with a thud. 

   "Eren Yeager! You better get your ass down here in 15 minutes or I'm going to come up there," I here my mom yell at me. I  immediately get my ass in gear and run to the shower. The whole time I am thinking, _'Who was that girl in my dreams?'_

_\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

   "I don't want to go mom!" I complained. Today I was going to a new school. My dad is a doctor that travels, so my mom and I have no other choice but to follow him.

   "I'm sorry honey, but you know how important your education is," My mom answered while putting pancakes in front of me,  she runs a hand through my hair, "You're a smart kid. I'm sure your fist day will be fine."

   "Thanks, Mom," I give her a small smile, the same smile I have that girl. The smile melts off my face. 

   "Are you okay, honey?" My mom frowns at me in concern.

   "I'm fine," I lie.

   "Okay? Now, eat up! You don't want to be late for your first day at school." 'Fuck my life,' I think as I comply.

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   'Great! First day at school and I don't know where my class is or my locker.' I wander through the school hoping to find my locker. After about ten minutes I growled about to give up.

   "Hey," a voice said behind me, "You look lost. Want us to help?"

   I turn around to discover a boy and a girl behind me. The boy had blond hair cut in a bowl cut. His eyes were a bright blue, and he wore jeans and a hoodie. His smile made me feel like I could trust him. However the girl wore not all black, but dark colors. Her black hair was cut around her shoulders and her dark eyes studied me like she couldn't trust me.

   "Yeah," I answered, "I was wondering where locker A14 was?"

   "Okay," the blond boy said, "We'll show you."

   "Thanks," Is my only response. We walk through multiple hallways and pass dozens of classrooms. There was no way I would be able to find my way back.

   "Why is this place have to be so big?" I whine.

   The blond boy chuckled, "I think they make it big so they can prepare us for collage. Hey, don't worry. You will get use to it after a while."

   "Hopefully," I muttered, "Oh by the way, what are your guys' names?"

   I watch the blond boy blush, "Sorry, I should have told you sooner. I'm Armin and over there is my adoptive sister, Mikasa."

   "Hi, I'm Eren."

   For the first time Mikasa speaks up, "Well, Eren, as long as you don't bully Armin I think we'll be ok."

   I smile, "Ok."

   "Here we are," Armin announces, "locker A14. Do you need anymore help?"

   I study the map they gave me, "No, I think I'll be ok."

   "Ok, see you later Eren," Armin smiles, before walking away.

   "Yeah," Mikasa says, "See you later."

   I sigh class was so boring. I knew everything that the teacher was saying. 'Maybe I can try to get into the accelerated program.'

   "Eren!" I turn around to see Armin and Mikasa sitting at a table. Armin was waving me over.

   "Hey," I say sitting next to Mikasa.

   "How was class? Any bullies? I'll kick their asses for you," Mikasa says calmly eating an apple.

   "Class was boring. No bullies. Also, I can take care of myself, you know?"

   "Sure you can."

   "Anyway, Eren you said your class were boring. By boring do you mean you know everything?" Armin asks.

   "Yeah."

   "You should the accelerated program with Mikasa and I!"

   "I don't know." And that's when Armin starts rambling about how it is so awesome.

   Honestly I wasn't paying attention. My eyes were on the four people who just walking into the cafeteria. Two were girls and two were boys. One of the girls had brown hair tied up into a ponytail. Behind her glasses, her hazel eyes had a sort of crazy glint to them. Her clothes were steaming which I guess means she just got out of science class. I had heard from someone in the hall that something in the science lab room exploded. 

   The boy next to her was huge. With blond hair and blue eyes he looked like an older buffer version of Armin. With his size I would say he played and sport, football maybe? His stance held some sort of high authority. He wore blue jeans and a shirt that showed off all his muscles.

   To his left was a guy with black hair styled in an undercut along with stormy grey eyes. He was short, but intimidating. He was the kind of guy you didn't want to fuck with. He wore a black dress shirt and white pants. Around his neck was a piece of cloth. What did they call it? A cravat? Yeah that.

   The other girl definitely was the most intense. Unlike all the other girls she didn't were makeup. In fact she didn't need to. Her (h/c) hair was cut short and choppy. Her bangs hid her eyes so I couldn't see them. She wore all black, but for a red shirt under her black leather jacket. A wallet chain completed her badass look. Her stance was tense so I could tell she was a fighter. They walked over to a table full of people and disappeared into the crowd.

   "Earth to Eren. Earth to Eren. Do you come in?" Armin asks snapping his fingers in front of my face.

   "Sorry, what?" I ask.

   "Oh nothing," Mikasa says, "You were just drooling over (y/n)."

   "I'm sorry, who?"

   "That girl that just walked in, the one dressed in black and red? Her name is (y/n). The guy with the black hair is her best friend, Levi. The other two are her other friends, Erwin and Hanji."

   "Do you know them?" I ask.

   "We've talked to them. We don't really know them," Armin says.

   "So, are they your friends?"

   "More like acquaintances."

"Yeah, when I'm not around and if Armin gets bullied, (y/n) is there to protect him," Mikasa takes a sip of water.

   "Oh, I was jus-"

   My sentence was cut short because Mikasa was thrown into the arms of two giant guys and Armin was picked up by another.

   "Well, well, well, look who we have here," A guy who I figured was the leader stepped forward, "You idiots got another loser to join you?"

   "Eren, run!" Armin yells.

   I do the exact opposite, I curled my hands into fists and punched the leader in the nose.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

   I don't know how it happened, but I ended up on the floor. I was covered in bruises and small cuts. I groan in pain.

   "That better teach you how to behave," the leader raised their foot.

   I close my eyes waiting for it to make contact, but it didn't. Instead I hear an 'oh fuck' and a thud. I open my eyes to see (y/n) standing over the leader, or I assume it was (y/n). I couldn't see anything because that dipshit knocked my glasses off. She delivered 5 hard kicks to him before stomping her foot on his chest. Now that I was closer I could see her eyes. 'Holy shit! Their beautiful!' I think. Her (e/c) eyes were one of the most stunning things I have ever seen.

   "What the fuck are you doing, Adam?" Her voice was smooth, but rough at the edges.

   Adam gulped, "I was just showing them how to never let your guard down."

   (y/n) lets out a bitter chuckle, "Really? It looks to me that your beating the shit out of this kid."

   I realized that she was talking about me. (y/n) lifts him up by his collar, "Now stand on your feet."

   Doing as she asks he stands on his only. He looked terrible. (y/n) must really kick hard. Speaking of (y/n), she was now knelt over me. Without words she slowly helps me up and hands me my glasses.

   "You okay?" she asks.

   "Umm.." I respond before blushing, I wasn't one for not having anything to say. Instead I put my glasses on and nod my head.

   (y/n) looks over at Adam who was barely stand on his feet, "Do you have anything to say?"

   Adam shakes his head.

   "Good, now fucking leave." Adam immediately obeys her and his friends let my friends go. They walk over to me.

   "Are you okay, Eren?" Mikasa asks with a concerned voice.

   "Yeah," I answer.

   "Thanks, (y/n)," Armin says.

   She looks like she wants to say something, but I hear a loud scream, "(y/n)!!"

   "Shit," I watch as she tenses her muscles before lurching forward. After regaining her footing she glares behind her, "What the fuck, Hanji?" I look behind her and see the brunette girl form before with her arms warped around (y/n). Her two other friends were approaching.

   "I told you not to do that," the blonde guy, Erwin, said.

   "Well I want to meet (y/n)'s new friend," the crazy brunette said letting go of (y/n), "Hi! I'm Hanji Zoe, but just call me Hanji," She holds her hand out.

   "Eren Jaeger," I take her hand, but instead of a handshake she hugs me.

   "Aren't you a cutie!!!" She screams, "Isn't he, Levi?"

   The guy, who had be been standing next to (y/n), looked me up and down, "I guess," he had the same monotone voice as (y/n).

   "You are very special if Levi thinks you're cute," Hanji squeals.

   "T-thanks?"

   "Hanji," Erwin says, "Put the poor boy down, you're killing him."

   Hanji releases me and I almost fall down, but Mikasa and Armin catch me.

   Levi walks over and studies me, "Damn, shitty glasses. You almost fucking squeezed him to death."

   "Sorry," Hanji says with a look of guilt. I get to my footing and with a sudden burst of confidence, I say, "Don't worry about it."

   I watch as that cheerful smile reappear, "Thanks, Eren! Do you like me?" she asks me.

   I blink at the sudden weird question, "I guess."

   "Yeah!!!" The bell rang.

   "Let's go shitty glasses," (y/n) mutters, using her ear to pull her away.

   "Ow!"

   Her friends return to her side and together they walk off, "See you later, Jaeger." (y/n) calls over her shoulder before leaving the cafeteria.

   I look over at my friends, "I have to become her friend. Will you guys help me?"

   "Sure. That's what friends are for," Armin says.


	2. The Ugliness of Past Bliss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The past is starting to merge with (y/n)'s reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys. In this chapter I used the pronouns I and me so you can kind of get the feeling of actually living in the story. Tell me if like this writing format in the comments.

Chapter 2

(Y/n)'s P.O.V.  
   I walk with Hanji, Erwin, and Levi to our culinary class. Don't ask why we chose that to be our elective, but let's just say after an incident that involved us and a group of assholes that ended in a fist fight, we weren't able to choose any other elective. We were put in culinary class because it was run by one of the strictest and meanest asshole in the whole school.

   "I don't understand you, Hanji," Erwin says.

   "What do you mean?" She asks.

   "He means that he still finds it surprising that you were able to go up to a complete stranger, not to mention a first year, and start telling him he was cute," Levi bluntly answers.

   "Well, in my defense, you did answer my question," Hanji teases.

   I half listen to their bickering. I was to lost in thought about Eren Jaeger. How cute he was when he blushed. How his beautiful beautiful eyes lit up with sudden confidence and defiance, before turning back into big, round pools of innocence. His hair looked really soft. I just wanted to comb my fingers through it. And those lips. Those goddamn lips looked so kissable. Some sick part of my wanted to see him come undone. I wanted to claim him. To stain that pure innocence. Watch those plump lips part in pleasure I was giving him. Those lust filled eyes watch me as I slowly-.

   "(Y/N)!!!"

   I jerk out of my dirty fantasy by the sudden noise. I shoot Hanji an annoyed glare, "What?"

   "You've been kind of out of it. Are you okay?" I can see the concern in her eyes and my annoyance melts away.

   "I'm sorry. I just didn't get enough sleep last night."

   "Is it the dreams, wasn't it?" Levi asks, concern taking over his usually sharp eyes.

   I decide to answer honestly, "Yeah, they are really starting to take a toll on me."

   One of the reasons all of us are best friends is because of our dreams. We all have these dreams about titans that attacked people inside walls. The dreams were frightening real and I'm starting to believe they were memories. Memories from something that happened a long time ago. We were all in them. I could walk through any classroom or hallway and identify all the people in my dreams. I was known as the Devil's Shadow and Levi was Humanity's Strongest. Levi and I were both Corporals. Erwin was the Commander of the Survey Corps and Hanji was a Squad Leader. The Survey Corps was one of the three divisions of military. They were in charge of going outside the precious walls that everyone coward behind. We fought the Titans in their own territory and eventually in the end, we beat them.

   But, everything gained has to have some sort of sacrifice. According to Levi, I died before the last battle and I left my lover there, all alone. All of us didn't remember who my lover was. Whenever a memory about him would pop up, it would be in black and white with no descriptive detail or he wouldn't have a face. His voice was muffled, so I didn't have anything I could go off of.

   "Do you need the medication again?" Erwin asks, "I can ask my dad for some."

   That's right. Because of our dreams, our teachers wanted us on medication. We would talk about them in class and scare kids, i guess. Someone ratted us out and now we 'take' medication. We had actually stopped a few months ago. My friends were fine now, but I kept getting the dreams every night.

   I actually wanted them. Despite the horrible battles and the endless deaths, there were good memories. Like when we celebrated Levi's birthday and Christmas. Or when Hanji and I shaved off Erwin's eyebrows and he chased after us screaming bloody murder. Or when the cadets insisted that we have a dance and they all ended up drunk. We higher-ups found them all passed out on the training grounds. My favorite memories are the ones that only include me and my mysterious lover. When we cuddled under an oak tree. When we spent the whole night up, wrapped in sinful bliss. Our private training. Our rare dates and special meals. When he proposed to me the night before we went on the expedition that ended in tears and broken promises.

   "(Y/n), you should really start the medication again," Hanji says, "Others may not notice, but we can tell you a suffering."

   "What was your dream today? It must have been bad because your quieter today," Levi takes one of my hands and intertwined our fingers. People always think that we are dating, but we are only really close friends.

   "It was my death," I say, quietly.

   Today I had woken up in tears and sweat. The dream felt so really. The pain was not only physical but emotional and it was unbearable. I had broken a promise to stay alive to my lover and ended up paying the price. I was fighting a group of titans and tried to save a teammate. I did, but my leg got chomped off in the process. I told my subordinate to go get help for Levi's squad about a mile off and he did. I kept on fighting, until I got swatted like a bug because of my injury. I was hidden I bushes and found by my lover only for us to lose each other.

   I feel a hand rubbing comforting circles on my back. I look up to see Erwin. He gives me a supporting smile. Hanji hands me a tissue and I give her a questioning look. She points to her eyes and I bring my free hand to my face, only to feel my cheeks damp with tears. I wipe my face and blow my noise.

   "(Y/n). We are here for you and we understand. So don't push us away. We are strong enough to help you carry some of your burden," Levi begs, looking close to tears himself.

   All I do is smile. I understand what he is trying to say. Hanji's mom is a therapist and we have all had our fair share of lessons with her. Yes, she was supportive, but she didn't understand the true weight that we all carried. Honestly, I wanted to let them in and tell them everything, but I just couldn't. I was never a very open person, even to my close loved one. I didn't want them to be dragged down by a burden they didn't have to carry. I don't tell them for that reason. I was being dragged down by the past, I didn't want to pull them down with me.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

   Let's just say, cooking was a bust. I'm usually the one that deals with the decorations, but I was too lost in thought and Hanji ended up doing it. She squirted frosting all over Levi and he retaliated. The whole classroom was soon covered in ingredients from eggs to a full fucking cake. We got sent to the principle's office and as punishment, we have to clean up the classroom after school. So when the bells rang, signaling that school was over, I walked to the janitor's closet. We had all agreed to meet there.

   I walk through the hallways, my ear buds plugged in and my music turned all the way up. I never really liked silence. When I'm not with Hanji or if I'm not in class, I always have my ear buds in. Don't get me wrong. I don't like noisy areas, like the cafeteria, but also I don't like complete silence. Silence allowed me to think and that eventually leads to memories. I didn't tell my friends, but the 'dreams' were starting to blend in with reality.

   I make it to the closet and see my friends already there. To my surprise, I see Petra Ral stand next to Levi. Petra Ral is the head of the cheerleading squad. She also part of Levi's elite squad, in the past, before she died. She's been crushing on Levi ever since the 8th grade. It was quite obvious that the ginger was trying to get Levi to ask her out, but Levi either doesn't notice or doesn't care. It wasn't my place to say anything. Plus, that bitch hated me.

   I take my ear buds out, "What are you doing here?"

   Hazel eyes give me a look of innocence, "I came here to help Le- I mean you guys clean. Hanji invited me."

   I shoot a glare in the brunette's direction, "Why?"

   "I notice that you two don't get along and I figured that this would be a great opportunity," Hanji is picking at her sweater and didn't look me in the eyes.

   "Is there something wrong with Petra being here?" Levi seems oblivious to the tense atmosphere.

   I open my mouth to speak, when a giant hand covers it, "There's nothing wrong. Right, (y/n)?"

   I give Erwin one of my deadliest glare, but he keeps a stern face. Sighing behind the hand, I shake my head.

   "Good. Now, why don't you guys get the supplies and we'll meet you at the room."

   "Why? Where are you two going?" Petra asks.

   "I'm just going to have a take with (y/n). We'll meet you there." Erwin lets go of my mouth and drags me away.

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   "What the hell is wrong with you?" Erwin's giant eyebrows scrunch together.

   "What the fuck are you talking about?" I hiss as I rub my now red wrist.

   "Why were you acting like such a bitch to Petra?"

   My eyes widen. I look at my feet, twirling my ring on my thumb. It was a family heirloom. A silver band with a large emerald in the middle. The emerald reminds me of the ocean. It also appears in some of my dreams. I got it for my mom the day she died. I felt a deep bond with it and it wasn't just because my mom gave it to me. Because of its occasional pops ups, I know that it was connected to my past somehow. It was so special to me that I only take it off to shower and sleep.

   "(Y/n), look at me."

   I tilt my head up and gasp. Standing there wasn't the Erwin I know. It was Erwin, but much older. He had the same hair and ridiculous eyebrows, but his face was worn down with age and stress. In his usual blonde hair were streaks of gray. His eyes held pain and suffering. His lips were pressed into a tight line. He was wearing a uniform. A tan jacket with over lapping wings, white jeans, white button up, bolo tie, and knee high boots. He had these straps winding up his body and he was missing his right arm.

   I back up until my back hits something. I slowly slide down to the ground, all the while looking at Erwin. When I hit the ground, I don't hit the usual concrete floor. Instead I sit on a dirt floor that was covered in pine needles and.... was that blood? I look around me and I don't see the school. I am in a forest and am surround by small and large bodies. The large bodies seemed to be evaporating while the smaller ones produced more blood. 

   There was a thud and I turn my attention back to in front of me. The sight almost makes me vomit. There lied a body of a young girl. My eyes widen when I realize that the girl was me. My (e/c) eyes are lifeless and my face is deathly pale. My (h/c) hair lost all of its luster and is now dull. I am missing my left leg. I can see the bone and teared pieces of flesh. My stomach has a deep cut in it and I can see my rib cage. I try to move, but my body seems glued to the floor. I turn my head and actually throw up. After I'm done, I curl up into a ball and wrap my arms around myself. I tangle my fingers in my hair. I try to scream, but my voice isn't working.

   I am suddenly jerked around and I look up. I see Erwin shaking me, concern shining in those blue eyes. My own eyes start to fill with tears. My eye sight goes blurry before clearing up again. In front of me was the regular young Erwin Smith. My eyes flutter around us and I realize I'm back at school. I am in fetal position with my back against a wall. To my disgust, a pool of vomit was to my right. 

   "(Y/n)?" A soft voice reaches my ears and I shift my eyes until they lock with blue ones. "What did you see?"

   I gulp, cringing at the awful taste in my mouth. "I-i." My mouth is not only foul tasting, but also dry. I open my mouth to try again, but no words come out.

   Erwin seems to notice my struggle and stops me, "Don't strain yourself. Do you want to go home? I'm sure everyone would understand if you left. I can tell Levi. He could leave with you."

   I shake my head no. I reach a shaky hand out to my backpack that was a few feet behind us. Erwin understands and grabs it for me. I take out a pencil and paper and start to write, 'I'll still help. Can you take me to the bathroom first?' I show Erwin. He seems hesitant but agrees. He helps me to the bathroom before leaving to clean up the mess I made.

   I turn the faucet on and splash my face with cold water. After wiping away the excess water, I look in the mirror. I have deep, dark bags under my (e/c) eyes and my complexion is almost as pale as the dead me. I shake my head before resting it on the sink. 'Fuck.'

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

   I managed to be helpful when we cleaned the classroom despite my mood. I was honestly pissed. Petra was being so fucking annoying. She kept making more messes for me to clean up and she was constantly flirting with Levi. I wanted to give her a free nose job, but I promised Erwin not to do anything violent. Speaking of Erwin, I knew he told Hanji and Levi. They kept going up and asking me if I was okay whenever I would stop for a break. Regardless of everything, we still got everything cleaned in the matter of a couple of hours. Hanji went to get our teacher to check our work and, just like the, we were free. 

   I am now waking to my car with Levi. Something I probably didn't mention is that Levi and I live together in an apartment. We both have our separate jobs to pay rent and our apartment was pretty awesome. We are silent as we walk. I kept my eyes glued to the ground and Levi kept his eyes glued to me.

   After a few minutes, he speaks, "(y/n), tell me what's wrong." 

   I want to, I truly do, but I can't. I shake my head and grab his hand. The thing with Levi is when I grab his hand, I'm assuring him that I am okay, but I am also comforting myself secretly. 

   "(Y/n)!"

   I stop and turn around to see Eren Yeager running after us. Eren's big eyes are shining with excitement and nervousness. He must have changed because he is now wearing black jeans, a black Ed Sheeran tee-shirt, a gray beanie, and black high tops. He was dressed more my style than when we were at the cafeteria. His tan skin was slightly sweaty from the small workout, so I figure he isn't the most atletic person. He stops in front of me and doubles over to catch his breath. I notice he keeps his hands behind his back the whole time.

   When he caught his breath, he stands up straight, "I want to give you these." And he shoves a bouquet of roses in my face. "I wanted to say thank you properly for helping in the cafeteria. So... um bye." With that he dashes off before I can study his eyes.

   I stare at the flowers, taking in their beauty and smell. I am immersed by the color of the petals. A stunning crimson red.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own any of the Shingeki no Kyojin characters.


	3. The Bliss of Letting Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren is dealing with some stuff that doesn't even involve the past.He does something sinful and ignores (y/n).  
> (Y/n) doesn't like it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, Please, PLEASE read the end notes.

Eren’s P.O.V.

               _‘I can’t believe I did that!’_ I run towards my house. My face felt like it was on fire from my embarrassment. Giving flowers to (y/n) was probably the worst idea I have ever had. ‘ _She probably thinks I’m the typical stalker teen boy with a creepy obsessive crush on her. If she did think that, it wasn’t really far from the truth. She’s probably dating that Levi guy for all I know. I’m such an idiot.’_

I arrive at my house. It was a normal two story house with nothing really interesting to it. It is painted a pale peach color with red trimming and a dark green door. I rush to the door and pull my key out of my pockets. Unlocking the door, I run in and slam it shut. I release a shaky breath and lean my head against the door; slowly I collapse on the floor. I bring my legs up to my chest and wrap my arms around them. Burying my face in my legs, I start to shake; tears leek out of my eyes. _‘Why did I do that?’_

               “Eren?” I hear the soft voice of my mom call. “Are you home?”

               Sniffing, I wipe my face on my shirt. I clean my glasses and let out a sigh before answering, “Yeah. Where are you?”

               “I’m in the kitchen, sweetie.”

               “Okay I’m coming to you.”

               I get up and try to straighten up my appearance to make it look like I wasn’t just crying my eyes out. I walk towards the kitchen and see my mom making some sort of cookie dough. As I walk into the kitchen, I’m get hit by the powerful smell of fresh baked cookies. The kitchen window is open, which explained why I couldn’t smell the scent when I walked in.

               I smile and walk over to my mom. I hug her from behind and press a kiss to the back of her head. She wipes her hands on the apron she has on her waist and turns around to hug me back.

               “How was your first day?” She asks.

               “It was better than I expected,” I reply.

               She releases me and points to the dining room table, “Go sit down and I’ll bring out some cookies. You can tell me about your day.”

               I listen and decide that I can hold off of homework for a bit. I walk to the table and collapse on a seat. I drop my backpack at my feet and tip my head back. I stare at a picture that was hanging on the wall across from me. I recognize it even though I was upside down. It is a picture of me, my mom, and my dad the first time at the beach. I was six at the time and I was missing a front tooth. I was sitting on my mom’s lap and my dad’s arm was around her waist. The deep blue sea was filled with waves; lines of white mixing in with the brilliant blue. We looked so happy in the photo. _‘I wish it were still like that.’_

               Something blocks my view and I glance up to see my mom’s concerned face. She doesn’t say anything. She just strokes my hair and pats my cheek with affection. I sit up and my mom places cookies in front of me with some milk. I pick one up and start to nibble on it. The taste of chocolate and sugar explodes all over my taste buds. I sigh in content and take a sip of milk.

               I eat about three cookies before my mom speaks, “So, are you going to tell why you were crying earlier? Do I need my shotgun?”

               I chuckle a little at her teasing, but then realize what she said before, “How did you know?”

               She reaches across the table and grabs my hand that was sitting on the table. Interlacing our fingers, she says, “Honey, I’m your mother. I know everything. Also, I saw you crying from the kitchen. I figured you wanted time alone, so I didn’t interfere.”

               “Oh.”

               “Eren, please, tell me what’s wrong? Who hurt you?”

               I stare at my cup of milk, “No one hurt me. Well, sort of. During lunch I was sitting with a boy and a girl that I met.-“

               “You made friends!” My mom is practically vibrating in her seat.

               “Mom.”

               “What are their names?”

               “Armin and Mikasa.”

               “Is this Mikasa ho-?”

               “MOM!”

 “Sorry, continue.”

               “Well, these guys came and started to bully my, I guess you can say friends, and I wanted to help. Their leader, Adam, threw me to the ground and started kicking me. I got a few bruises and cuts, but I went to the nurse’s office and got them treated,” I say when I notice my mom’s face start to turn into one of worry. “Anyway, this really popular girl named (y/n) came and kicked Adam’s ass then made him apologize.”

               My mom smiles, “That was very nice of her.”

               I stare at her in shock, “She literally kicked his ass, Mom.”

               “I understand that.”

               “You’re weird.”

               My mom shakes her head, “That’s not what I meant. It’s just, back in my day, with someone was getting their ass whooped by a bully, the popular kids usually just stayed out of it. I think it is nice that (y/n) stood up for you and didn’t just ignore it.”

               I feel my cheeks heat up at (y/n)’s name, “Yeah, it was really nice of her.”

               “Aw. Does my little baby have his _first_ crush?”

               “Mom!” I let go of her hand and cover my face with my hands. I am certain that my face is as red as a cherry. I could feel the heat of my skin on my hands.

               “So you’re not denying it!”

               “no…” I say in a liny voice.

               My mom lunges across the table and throws her arms around me, “My baby has his first crush!” She screams.

               “I can’t believe this,” I whimper.

               It takes about 10 minutes for her to calm down and sit back in her chair, “Tell me about her.”

               Just when my blush is starting to go down, it comes back at full power, “Well, she has (h/l) (h/c) with (e/c). She has (s/t) and wears a lot of black. She is most likely athletic and a full-fledged badass.”

               “She sounds interesting.”

               I smile a little, “She is.”

               “That still doesn’t explain why you were crying. You’ve gotten into a lot of fights in the past, so I doubt that is the reason.”

               I shake my head, “No, it isn’t.”

               “What was it, Eren,” My mom says in a gentle voice.

               I feel tears start to form at the memory. I keep talking, “After school, I went to go give her flowers, as a thank you gift, but I saw her walking down the street with this guy named Levi. The worst part is that they were holding hands.” By the time I finished, I was full on crying again.

               “Oh, my baby,” I feel my mom’s arms wrap around me. I turn and hug her back, burying my face in shoulder. “Shh... I got you.”

               I spend the rest of my night with my mother, delaying my homework longer than I had thought.

 

 

The Next Day

               I wake up the sound of my alarm going off. I groan as I reach over my bed to my dresser. I pound my hand around for a few seconds before finding my alarm. I feel around for the sleep button and press it. I slowly rise from bed and rub the sleep out of my eyes. Yawning, I stretch out my limbs and get up. I walk to the bathroom that is connected to my bedroom. My bathroom is what people would normally call abnormally clean. Everything is in their correct place and my shower and counter shines. Hell, even my toilet gleams.

               I strip down and step into my shower. I sigh at the relaxing sensation. Suddenly, I think about (y/n) in the shower with me. I bite my lip as blood rushes south. _‘Fuck! Curse teenage hormones.’_ Slowly I wrap my hand around my cock. I bring my free hand up to my mouth and bite at the skin of my thumb to stifle my moans. I move my hand up and down my shaft, thumbing the slit and smearing precum on my head. I decide to entertain myself and start to think of (y/n). Her most likely toned body standing in front of me; her own calloused hands running over my body instead of my own. She leans over to me and whisper, _‘You’re being such a good boy for me. Are you going to continue to be good, baby?’_

               “Y-yes,” I let a broken moan.

 _‘Would you like it if I tied you to my bed so tight that you couldn’t move your arms?’_ A whimper. _‘I would tease you, but never let you cum.’_ A sharp thrust into my hand. _‘You would start to tear up because it would too much for you to handle. But you won’t be scared because you know that I’ll take care of you.’_ A deep breathe. _‘If are a good boy all the way to the end, I would reward you with one of the best orgasms you have ever experienced.’_ I’m so close. _‘Would you like that, baby?’_ “Yes.” _‘First you have to pass your first test and that is to cum for me.’_ With that, I loose myself. I feel my orgasm being ripped out of me and I release a loud moan of (y/n)’s name. I cum all over my hand and the shower wall. I grasp and lean against the clean wall. That was one of the strongest orgasms I have ever had.

               I stare at my hand feeling incredibly guilty. I just used a fellow student for masturbation martial. I am pulled from my thoughts of guilt when I hear my mom scream, “Eren! You’re going to miss the buss if you don’t hurry up!”

               “I’m coming!” I yell back and quickly scrub down my body. I hastily dry myself off and run into my room. Entering my closet, I grab underwear, a pair of white skinny jeans, a grey shirt, green cardigan, and a black beanie. I dress swiftly, tripping over my pants a couple of times in the process. I grab my backpack and rush down the stairs.

               My mom is buttering some toast. She sees me and wraps it up before sending me out the door with a goodbye hug. I am relieved she didn’t ask me why I was late. I run to the bus stop just as the bus gets there. I flash the driver my pass and walk down the aisle, looking for a seat.

               “Eren!”

               I see Armin and Mikasa sitting in the back. Armin is flailing his arms, trying to get my attention. I chuckle and walk over to them. Armin scoots over to make room, slightly squishing Mikasa in the process.

               I take a seat and smile at her, “Hey.”

               “Hi.”

               “Eren, guess what?” Armin says.

               “What?” I raise an eyebrow.

               Armin giggles at the act, “Today, during study hall, we are going to get senior as a tutor.”

               I frown, confused, “Why would we need a senior.”

               Mikasa answers, “The teachers think the seniors aren’t getting along with the freshman because they keep to their own age group. This is the teachers’ way to get them to at least notice us.”

               “Oh.” I mutter.

               Armin is jumping in his seat, “I can’t wait!”

               “You just want to see the giant blond again,” Mikasa states.

               Armin face turns completely red, “Shut up!”

               I hold my hands up, “Wait. Are you talking about Erwin?” I faintly remember (y/n)’s blond friend.

               “Armin has a crush on him.”

               “I said, shut up!”

 

             

               I sat in study hall with Armin and Mikasa. I couldn’t be less interested about the teacher was saying. I was listening to these two guys whispering behind me.

               “Did you hear? We are the luckiest group because (y/n)’s classroom is coming,” One says.

               “Really?!” The other sounds breathless.

               “Yep. She’s coming and all the girls are excited because Levi is coming to.”

               “Man, I don’t about him. I’m going to get laid.”

               I role my eyes at the last comment, but my cheeks are on fire by the turn of events. The whole day I have been advoiding (y/n). She had tried to approach me during lunch, but I had walked away. I have purposely taken the long way to get to my classes, so I wouldn’t have to see her. I’ve been getting notes from my classmates from her, but I threw them all away; not even bothering to read them. I feel too guilty about the bathroom incident that I didn’t want to see her. After all my hard work advoiding her, she is coming to my classroom and I can’t escape.

               “Okay, class,” My teacher claps his hands together to get our attention. When he is sure that he has it, he continues, “As you have probably heard already, each of you are going to each get hand-picked by seniors and you are going to partner up for 6 months.”

               I freeze, _‘That long?’_

               “You will spend time together and at the end of the 6 months, you and your senior are going to perform a speech in front of this class and the seniors’ class about what you have learned about each other.”

               People start to whisper to each other. I hear the names (y/n) and Levi quite often.

               My teacher waits for us to get quiet, “The longer you make me wait, the longer you make the seniors outside wait.”

               The room goes deadly silent.

               “There we go,” He claps his hands together; “This is how this is going to work. You will all remain in your seats and the seniors are going to stand in a line in front of the class. One by one, they are going to pick one of you in 30 seconds. You get who picks you. No complaining or switching. I know there are a couple of certain individuals in their class that a lot of you want. They pick who they want to pick and the rest of you won’t interfere. Understood?”

               “Yes,” We all respond in unison.

               “Good, now,” He walks over to the door and everyone, but me and Mikasa, sits on the edge of their seats, “I give you the seniors.”

               The door opens and the seniors start flowing in. I see Erwin, Hanji, Levi, and (y/n). While Erwin and Hanji look excited and happy, (y/n) and Levi look pissed and overall annoyed. Everyone, but Armin (who is drooling over Erwin), is staring at them. Their eyes slide over us and them at each other. I feel a painful clench in my stomach at the way they look at each other; looks that are filled will love and adoration.

               I keep my eyes locked on (y/n). She is wear ripped black jeans, a t-shirt that says, Tell Me One Hero That Was Happy, a red and black flannel that was rolled up to her elbows. Her right wrist had multiple bracelets and on her left was an expensive looking black watch. I trail my eyes up her face and my eyes widen. She is wearing deep red lipstick on those lips that whispered sinful things to me in my mind. Something new is that there are now piercings on her right ear. There are a perfect amount that it popped out, but wasn’t overwhelming. Perched on the bridge of her delicate looking nose are thick framed glasses. On her shiny (h/c) hair was a grey beanie. Her (e/c) eyes flicker across the class again, before locking on to my own. I blush and look out the window, next to my desk.

               I don’t remember when the picking start, but I felt like I was sitting in this chair for hours. I am about to fall asleep, when I feel a hand on my shoulder. It startles me and I flinch away from the touch. When I realize what happened, I look up and see (e/c) orbs staring into my eyes. I look around the class and see all the guys and even some girls giving me envious looks. I turn my attention back to (y/n). She had pulled her hand back when I moved away from it, but she is standing in front of me.

               She holds her hand out to me, “Are you okay with become my partner?”

               I glance at her hand and then take another look around the classroom. I reach a shaky hand out and grab her hand. Her grip is firm and her fingers are long and thin. Beautiful.

               With a sigh, I respond to her previous question, “Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys. I am so sorry about the such late update. The good news is that I got my computer back and hopeful i can update a lot more often. Anyway, I was wondering if any of you would like to review my work before I publish it. I'm so drained from typing nonstop, that I make stupid grammar errors. So if any of you want to read my work before publishing, please message me or say in the comments. If you do, please have a piece of work written so I can read it and see if you are right for the part.  
> Like always, please leave me a kudos and a comment. I will see you in the next chapter.

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own any of the Shingeki no Kyojin characters.


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